Turns Out, There Is Such a Thing as Too Much Creative Freedom

A longing for vision, purpose, habits and direction

For months, no years, I craved creative freedom.

Itched for it.

I wanted to throw out content schedules.
Felt trapped by branding.
Didn’t care for goals.

When I took the final steps into my new creative existence as a working writer with this little Substack as my hobby on the side, I released all pressure.

Liberated my creativity. I was free and light.

Months passed. Spacious yearly intentions were set.

And then…

Well, then it started to feel a little boring.

Itching for vision

It began in the end of spring. The season had been somewhat creatively haphazard. I’d wanted to follow my inspiration, I’d intended to work more on my new novel project, I had planned to read more. It wasn’t a bad season, but as I sat down to set my creative intentions for the summer, I felt a little itch. At first, I didn’t know quite what it was. But the more I poked at it, the more I recognised it.

I longed for vision. Something to work towards. An idea about what I wanted my creative life to be.

So I noted in my summer plans that I would work on updating my creative vision.

A couple of weeks passed. I was busy with work and then my vacation started and I went travelling in Norway. It wasn’t until my last vacation week that I sat down and thought hey, let’s get to it.

I’ve always had a creative vision. Always had dreams and goals on the horizon. That is, until now. For many years, I worked to complete the novel that I then finally finished and sent to publishers and last summer decided to let be for now. For many years, I dreamt of running my own creative business, until that became reality, and I then realised it wasn’t my dream anymore.

And now… yes, there is still the goal of writing fiction, of getting a book published. But it’s a vaguer dream now, because, well, the dream was at least partly about the dream of being a writer. Of working with words, telling stories. And now, employed as a content and copywriter, I have made that dream come true, just in a slightly different way than I had originally envisioned.

So, I’m sort of starting over. With a new creative vision.

I tried to start. I scribbled in my journal, I made a Pinterest board, I tried to gather my thoughts. I put things together in Notion. I wrote down what I already knew. I used the structure from my course The Creative’s Compass. At first, it was disorienting. But slowly, things became clearer and clearer.

A frame for my softness

In the beginning, when I quit being self-employed and my creative projects became a hobby again, the freedom was amazing. It was like a direction in itself, and I thrived on it.

The freedom was also good for me. It gave me the space to not steer this creative transition. To get used to my new balance after I shut down my business and left self-employment behind. To be open and light and see things develop naturally.

The loose edges allowed me to see what kind of structure I would actually miss. What kind of direction I genuinely crave in my own creative projects.

As my new creative vision started to unravel, I realised I mostly miss a feeling.

I miss having visions, dreams and gentle goals.
I miss cosy habits that I try to stick to.
I miss the idea and direction of a brand.
I miss the commitment to a project.
I miss caring.

But one thing is very clear. I miss all of this, but I miss it in the shape of a hobby I care deeply about.

And I think it’s taken me these many months of freedom and softness in my creativity to detach from the former demands of my creative business. To disconnect from how I thought about it then, from the feeling of “I have to do XYZ”.

It’s not until now that it has nicely slotted itself back into the hobby space of my life. That I feel I’m approaching my creative projects from the right angle.

Because it’s rarely been so clear that I do not want to associate my own creativity with work, with the demands of a business. I want a gentle structure, I want vision and vibe and habit, but I want it on a very clear foundation of: this is for me. It’s my leisure, my hobby, the spacious energy of weekends and vacations.

I want to care, like you care about a very beloved life-long hobby.

A vision taking shape

As warm summer days pass and my summer vacation draws towards its end, I’m still wrapped up in drawing my circles. Again defining what I want my own creativity to look like, beyond my job and profession.

Long before the stressors of being self-employed, before direction got entangled with pressure and money worries, this is what I thrived on. I’ve always loved having a creative direction, having my creative brand, working on my projects, tinkering with enjoyable habits and caring, caring so much about my creativity.

This is not about making big changes. It’s a gentle fire burning inside of me, casting light on the path ahead. The website is getting a little refresh. I have (hold onto your hat now) ideas and inspiration for my Instagram. And it feel oh so good.

To be continued…